International Telly!

Attack of the 50ft Bridezilla

I know we talk about Channel 5 quite a lot on this blog, but really, when they just keep feeding us sillier and sillier TV shows, it’s difficult not to!

You might have noticed a surge in wedding-based reality TV programmes recently- from Don’t Tell the Bride to My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding through to Four Weddings, all the UK terrestrial channels have been at it. And now Channel 5 has taken it all one stage further.

They’ve given us Celebrity Wedding Planner.

You can almost imagine the pitch meeting:

“So, something big, something dramatic, something wedding-y, that’s what we’re going for…”

“Ok, great, couple planning their wedding, dreaming of their life together, but they can’t afford a big party so we agree to step in with some cash as long as we can film it, warts, drunken relatives and all… But how do we make it a bit different?”

There’s a pause. Papers rustle. Then the work-experience girl pipes up.

“You could get random D-list celebrities from other reality TV shows to plan their reality TV show wedding for them…”

“AMAZING!”

“I love it!”

“Celebrities and weddings in one show!”

“…and the celebrities get to do whatever they want with all the money, and the couple aren’t allowed to know who they are til the end when maybe they’ll burst into tears with shock, joy and or horror.”

“BRILLIANT!”

“Get me Jedward on speed dial.”

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Supersize Versus Superskinny…

Channel 4 have really outdone themselves this time; not only have they created a TV show that everyone can hate – yes, they’re not just offending a minority in this particular instance – but they’ve created a TV show that has the potential to make us all hate ourselves for laughing at the contestants. Because in this show, the laughs come thick and fast, and they usually come when the two sit down to eat…

If you haven’t seen the premise of this ridiculous shocker of a show, it goes like this: two people, one very obese and the other underweight, meet up and find out how the other person lives; usually one of them will care a lot about how they look – possibly making regular visits to clinics for face-lifts and the like and looking after their weight a bit too much – and the other won’t as much as they should. Then they are suitably shocked by what they find, and shortly after that the torture begins. Because with the next phase of the show, each person is forced to live the lifestyle of the other. This means eating the same foods as them as well, and for some people that can prove a bit too much…

Or maybe we’ll see people having tattoos who haven’t ever considered that idea before?

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Let’s Get Sillllllllly!

If I mentioned the words executive office furniture to you swiftly followed by the words Takeshi’s Castle, you might flinch and imagine yourself trapped in some weird castle type apparatus, with office furniture attacking you and refusing to let you go until you break out in a fit of hysterical giggles. And you’d be forgiven for freaking out a bit about office furniture, we think! This kind of oddity and much, much more was exactly the kind of thing that might have happened in the infamous Japanese gameshow of the same name. A TV spectacle which held the Japanese'minds hostage between 1986 and 1989, the show – which was made famous thanks to the Tokyo Broadcasting System – soon became legendary, and for good reason…

Perhaps the silliest overall thing about this show was the lack of prize money…

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Channel 5 Goes Awful

OK, so the title of this post isn’t exactly accurate: Channel 5 has awful as it’s default setting, and it really doesn’t know any different, and it never will. I know, I know, I’m harsh and judgemental and all that. But seriously, if you don’t agree with me just calm down and hear me out: when the channel keeps kicking out utter rubbish followed by bizarre pointlessness dressed up as quality TV then someone has to stand up and tell it how it is! If they don’t then the risk is that more people will end up watching this pants and thinking it is great TV. In my quest for quality I just can not afford to let that happen! I’m sure you at least half understand that.

Point in question: Candy Bar Girls. A show like no other. Truly a show which stoops to depths so deep that there is no source of light and oh, wait a minute, apparent quality control. The show, which philosophically follows a group of lesbians who like to have fun all together, was said to be groundbreaking in many ways. It was said to break stereotypes and present lesbians in a new and never-before-seen light which would have people all over the UK nodding in agreement. But in fact all it was was an excuse to film lesbians doing what they do best. I have nothing against this kind of thing, of course, but when it is done I want it to be done tastefully. In this case you could say that isn’t quite achieved…and that’s being GENEROUS.

Seriously, the channel has no limits!

What next for Channel 5? A reality show following the lives of Red Diesel London employees who believe themselves to be part of a secret society of people who plan to steal the world’s petroleum resources in order to travel back to their home planet where tractors rule over cars? I wouldn’t put it past them. But there again, Channel 5 have proved that you can’t put anything past them. Seriously, the channel has no limits!

If you want another example of stupidity gone mad, then why not tune into OK! TV? It’s not…OK. In any way. Presented by that Kate Walsh from The Apprentice, it’s basically a real slog to get through, as Kate and her fellow presenter go about exploring some of the most uninteresting things about celebrity life. Brilliant!

I suppose, though, at least you can never accuse them of not trying…

By the way, if ANNOYING is your thing then have no fear, Jedward are here!

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A Small Mountain Town

A small mountain town called South Park. This adult comedic cartoon has been airing for approximately 13 years and has never quenched its thirst in ridiculing the arrogant and daring to offend.

The cartoon started out on a very low budget and subsequently had to be created using cut-outs that looked like a child had cut out some digital printing. But this didn’t affect the programmes popularity, oh no, the use of vulgar language and the philosophy of everything More